Locked out…!

Posted: 29/10/2010 by C. Matt Hewes in Bits 'n' Bobs
Tags: , , , , ,

After all the crappy situations (Tooth extractions, Flu jab blues, Automotive issues) we’ve had lately, here the latest addition to the list:

Thursday, 22nd October. Eight pm, time to walk K9. Normally, I go out the back door, which doesn’t lock/unlock from the outside. Not that night; the Missus had offered to join me (and K9) for a walk and so we got ready for our venture out via the front door. Since having locked myself out several times in the past, I always keep the door open and check if my keys are where they should be, before shutting the door. I always pull the door shut with my keys in hand… Not this time…

Being pre-occupied with the dog, I didn’t perform my habitual check for my keys and noticed the Missus pulling the door shut…

“Uh ohh…”


Whilst pointing at the door: “You’ve got your keys, right?”

“Er… no…” She looked at me with a sneaky smile: “But you do, don’t you?”

I checked my pockets for the third time: “Nope…”

Still smiling, she said: “You’re having me on, right?”

“I wish…”

Her face dropped: “And now…?”

“Er… Dunno?”

Poor doggie thought he was going walkies but never signed up for a walk that short. Longingly he looked up at both of us as if to say: “C’mon, what are you two waiting for?”

The best idea I could come up with was: “Let’s go around the back and see if I can work my way in through one of the windows…”

I clambered over the gate, using one of the neighbour’s bins; luckily I’ve got a lot of lazy neighbours who never put their bins in their yards. So far so good; we’re in our own yard. I didn’t even consider getting in through the door; as I said, it doesn’t lock or unlock from the outside. But it was locked, not accidentally left open…

Missus looked at me with a sad expression: “So what are you going to do; smash a window?”

“Not if I can help it..”

Little bit of luck: Our ‘outhouse’ (read: former outside bog) isn’t locked, so I had free access to most of my ‘irregular’ tools… I started taking the beading off the opening part of the window, with the idea that I’d be able to lift the glass out. No such luck: the bloody pane is welded in with proper silicon mastic… great!

From a random couple of brackets I tried making little devices with hooks to prize the glass panes away from the mastic; all sorts moved, but not the glass…

Having almost given up hope, I was considering giving in to smashing the window, but I didn’t like the idea as it’s like putting directions out for burglars: “Easy Access, Come and see…!”

Instead, I tried forcing the complete window open, just far enough to allow me to flick the latch up. Anything I did, the window wouldn’t give. Funnily enough, or rather, annoyingly so, the glass pane stood the test, too, whereas I half expected it to have cracked after all the force I put on the window. By now we’ve been outside for an hour and a half; the Missus is half frozen, and even K9 wants to get back into the warm by now…

Whilst being the Gopher all the time, Missus all of a sudden points at one of the supporting rods of the ladder: “Can’t you pull one of these out, and do something with it?”

Unknowingly, she actually triggered my memory; It’s well known that I’m a terrible magpie: I’ll drag anything I remotely think I can use, home. As I did two foot-and-a-half rods I’d found (at least twelve months ago) on one of Doggie’s walkies. Having prized the window open far enough with an oversized screw driver, I managed to get the rod inside and over the latch, just enough to make it clear how the rod should be bent. About five minutes later, I unlocked the back door and welcomed Missus and Doggie back into the comforting warmth of our house…

In the mean time, the window wants fixing; the old beads are completely rotten, and the wood underneath hasn’t seen a paint brush either for a long, long time…

If this is God’s way of showing me how badly the window wants fixing, I’ll have to congratulate him for being the comedian he is… I’m sure there are other ways it could have been made clear…


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